Dates Good and Bad: The Guy’s Side

Several weeks ago I put together in my personal notebook some thoughts that occurred to me on dates that I’ve had both good and disappointing. For what it’s worth, there they are.

Good Date: Someone who comes to the date with enthusiasm and excitement.

Disappointing Date: Someone who comes to the date with hesitancy and reluctance – almost out of a sense of obligation.

Moral: Be careful when accepting and going out on a date to be positive about it. If you don’t want to be with the person who asks you out, don’t accept. ‘Pity dates’ are ultimately insulting to the other person if he or she begins to perceive that it is a ‘pity date.’ I’ve cut dates short with those who seem to have come on the date with hesitancy or reluctance.

Good Date: Someone who is open to the relationship having romance and a future. Disappointing Date: Someone who is not open to the relationship developing into any kind of romance or having a future, and who keeps on saying things like that throughout the date.


Moral: If you don’t want the date to have any romantic expectations, say so courteously and leave it at that. Be prepared, though, to retract your words politely if you find your feelings changing; don’t expect the other person to read your changing feelings. It comes across rather as mixed signals if you say one thing and do another. Friendship dates are fine but can become disastrous if one person is defending against an unwanted romantic relationship or the other person tries to pursue one when the other person has made his or her boundaries clear.

Good Date: Someone who comes to the date physically energetic and emotionally involved. Disappointing Date: Someone who comes to the date physically and emotionally drained and draining.


Moral: Don’t expect your date to be a counselor or crisis prayer partner, unless you’ve been dating for a while. Ask for a rain check if you’re not up to the date. Better yet, suggest or volunteer to make arrangements for another time – but avoid giving the perception that you’re trying to do only the things that you want to do. Otherwise, take a moment to pray yourself over any concerns from your day that you have before going out.

Good Date: Someone who is willing to try new things on the date and work to make the time mutually entertaining. Disappointing Date: Someone who comes to the date expecting to be entertained.


Moral: Bring a willingness to participate in a good time to a date. Don’t leave your date wondering if you have a pulse or ice water in your veins. Make some suggestions on alternate activities if you find that what you’re doing together fizzles.

Good Date: Someone who comes to the date with a sense of humor and willing to share in some back and forth banter. Disappointing Date: Someone who avoids participating in exploring the humorous and who is reluctant to engage in the most innocent banter.


Moral: Relax and laugh. A sense of humor is attractive to the opposite sex generally, and is part of being a ‘fun person to be with.’ If the other person finds things funny that you don’t find funny, redirect or distract rather than fume through the date.

Good Date: Someone who is courteous and respectful. Disappointing Date: Someone who is discourteous and disrespectful, even to the point of being mocking and insulting.


Moral: Bring your manners along. I would be willing to cut a date short if someone started being rude to me. Remember also that many of those that you date have friends that you might want to date in the future. If the word spreads that you’re rude and disrespectful, you may find these people distancing themselves from you.

Good Date: Someone who enjoys masculine companionship. Usually someone who has positive relationships with male relatives and friends can bring this enjoyment to a date. Disappointing Date: Someone who seems to expect feminine companionship, like a tea date together with another woman. A woman who spends most of her time with other women or who has persistently negative relationships with her male relatives and friends may act in this fashion.


Moral: If you’re dating someone of the opposite sex, understand that you will be different! If you have had problems with the opposite sex, it makes sense to do some soul searching and perhaps get some counseling.

Good Date: Unperturbed at being seen in public on a date. Disappointing Date: Annoyed or hesitant to be seen in public on a date. It’s seemed to me that this came from an unwillingness to be seen as a ‘couple’ by others encountered during the course of a date.


Moral: Don’t go out if you’re unwilling to be seen with a person of the opposite sex. It’s no one else’s business if you are a couple or not, or on a friendship date or not.

Good Date: Willingness to share some personal details, allow me to get to know her. Disappointing Date: Expects to ask all the questions, shows annoyance at being asked innocent questions or personal details.


Moral: A date is not an interview for the position of husband or wife. Be willing to share some of yourself if you’re asking the other person to share some of himself or herself.

Good Date: Dressed appropriately, attractively; someone who took the time to fix herself up. Disappointing Date: Dressed overly casually or in a way which conveys the date is nothing special; someone who took no time to fix herself up.


Moral: This is a turn off and a disappointment for me, though it’s been rare. There’s probably not going to be any further dates. I invariably take the time to fix myself up, and, the vast majority of the time, to arrange and pay for the activities of the date.

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